Thought for the day

Eliminate Three Words

Travis Wengreen Leave a comment

I received this email from one of the coaching newsletters and had to pass it along.  This is a great article and provides some great thoughts/ideas.

A Coaching Challenge

by Nan Einarson
Newsletter Vol XIII
Issue 32
Tuesday
August 12, 2014

I invite you to take my Challenge, and eliminate three words from your vocabulary.
Should is a very demeaning word. When using should with someone or with yourself, it is an aggressive tactic. When you tell someone they should or should not have said or done something, they immediately feel defensive, forced to explain their actions or decisions.
Try substituting could for should. By asking what could have been done differently, feedback turns the focus from a judgmental, negative past to a cooperative, positive future.
Why is a confrontational word, usually delivered in an accusatory, negative tone of voice. Why did you do that? Why didn’t you do this instead? Again, the person on the receiving end feels defensive, and compelled to explain their choices.
Instead, substitute what for why. By asking what happened, coming from a place of curiosity, judgment is suspended and conversation, rather than argument, ensues.
But is a condescending word. It negates whatever was said before it. If someone speaks, and you respond with but, you imply that what they said was wrong, and that you know better. Often, a butis anticipated because of the tone of voice preceding it. Have you ever thought or said, “I hear a butcoming on?”
I prefer and as a connecting word. It acknowledges what the other person has said, and allows a different perspective to be expressed, without any sense of competition or judgment.
Finally, I challenge you to ask only open-ended questions. Closed-ended (yes/no) questions have a place when seeking clarity. Otherwise, all other questions become open-ended when starting withwho, what, when, where, how, or tell me about.
Apply the Challenge in all of your conversations, not just in your coaching. Apply it with your family members (including children), friends, colleagues, strangers, and especially, teens. You might find it difficult at first, and you may slip many times. Once you utilize the Challenge in all of your communications, it will eventually become habit.
Notice the difference in how people react to your changed communication style. You will be surprised at how much easier it is to deal with difficult situations, once you eliminate confrontational words and ask open, non-judgmental questions. You may also be surprised at how much information people share with you when they are not threatened by your words or tone of voice.
Nan Einarson is a Mentor Coach and Trainer for CTA’s Certified Coach Program. She is an experienced veteran of coaching and author of the Do It Yourself Relationship Repair Guide.

The Optimists Creed

Travis Wengreen Leave a comment

What a great reminder of the power of positive attitude and positive thinking.  This is something I strive for each day

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

            -The Optimist’s Creed

Travis Wengreen Leave a comment

I love this one…it puts the power and accountability on our shoulders. This is easier said than done sometimes but it is empowering to know that we really have control over our lives. Enjoy!

 “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” –  James Allen