Who do you look up to, look forward to, and who do you chase?

I came across this video today and had to pass it along.  please take a minute and watch the short video.

I would love to hear your answers to the following questions

  • Who do you look up to?
  • Who do you look forward to?
  • Who do you chase?

What comes out when life squeezes you?

orange

This story hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.  I have never thought of anger, frustration, fear this way before.

Lesson from Dr. Wayne Dyer

In the last few years Wayne used to always bring an orange on stage as a prop for the following story.

I opened a conversation with a bright young fellow of about twelve who was sitting in the front row.

“If I were to squeeze this orange as hard as I could, what would come out?” I asked him.

He looked at me like I was a little crazy and said, “Juice, of course.”

“Do you think apple juice could come out of it?”

“No!” he laughed.

“What about grapefruit juice?”

“No!”

“What would come out of it?”

“Orange juice, of course.”

“Why? Why when you squeeze an orange does orange juice come out?”

He may have been getting a little exasperated with me at this point.

“Well, it’s an orange and that’s what’s inside.”

I nodded. “Let’s assume that this orange isn’t an orange, but it’s you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don’t like, offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? The answer, as our young friend has told us, is because that’s what’s inside.”

It’s one of the great lessons of life. What comes out when life squeezes you? When someone hurts or offends you? If anger, pain and fear come out of you, it’s because that’s what’s inside. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezing—your mother, your brother, your children, your boss, the government. If someone says something about you that you don’t like, what comes out of you is what’s inside. And what’s inside is up to you, it’s your choice.

When someone puts the pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it’s because that’s what you’ve allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don’t want in your life and replace them with love, you’ll find yourself living a highly functioning life.

Thanks, my young friend, and here’s an orange for you! 

We are not victims

This is such a true principle.  How often do we give people power and control over us and let them influence how we respond or what we think?  People will say and do things that may directly impact us…but the one thing that they cannot take away from us is our ability to choose how we respond.

My choice is to not be a victim…what about you?

Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us –
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That’s why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like –
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
– Sheri Rosenthal

Who do I want to be?…Lessons from my 3 year old son

I was listening to  a talk on my way to work this morning.  In the talk the speaker said something that hit me, and reminded me of the power that my thoughts have on my life.  She said, “What I focus on expands inside of me.” 

As I contemplated this simple thought and compared it to the principle I have been studying this week “Each moment describes who you are, and gives you the opportunity to decide if that’s who you want to be”, I realized again that I do have the opportunity to decide who I want to be in EVERY SITUATION.  What I focus on truly does expand inside of me and either assists me in deciding who I want to be or detracts me from being able to decide who I want to be.

A perfect example of this for me is my interactions with my 3 year old son.

Cord

He is the most amazing little boy and is so full of energy, passion, and enthusiasm.  The energy that he lives by sometimes wears me out and I find myself “responding” to him in anger and frustration just to try to get him to calm down and listen.  When I focus on this feeling of  frustration…I literally feel it expanding inside of me, which leads to more anger and frustration.

When my focus in on loving him, trying to match his enthusiasm and energy, and celebrating his passion for life, I find that I have more patience and understanding for him…and in turn, I notice that he responds better to me.  I love the relationship that I have with him when we are both focusing on the same thing, and again I feel the happiness and passion of this relationship expanding inside of me.

So here is what I have learned this week.  I am excited to test it out again when I get home today 🙂

  1. Pay attention to what I am focusing on, and change my focus if it isn’t supporting who I want to be
  2. Take 5 seconds before responding to a situation and ask myself, “who do I want to be, and how do I want to respond“?

Can we decide who we want to be?

The next principle/idea I have started studying this week is:

“Each moment describes who you are, and gives you the opportunity to decide if that’s who you want to be” – IPEC core principle

The thought that comes to mind for me when I think about this idea is the fact that just because I have done something once or acted in a certain way, doesn’t mean that I have to make the same decision or act in the same way the next time I am presented with a similar situation.  I have the ability to choose who I want to be and how I want to respond in every situation.  The thought below rings true to me as well.

“There is no such thing as finally “getting it right” for this idea traps us into thinking that there are goals to be met at the “end.” Life is a journey, a becoming, a growing, a process. We often set goals (e.g. finish school, to get married, to have a child, to earn a Ph.D, etc), and they are motivating factors; but to live in the moment, in present time, means not to measure success by the realization of that goal, but by the process, as it is in the process that we can decide our own measure of success.  in fact, one might say that the most enlightened goal could be to enjoy the process of life.” – Unconventional Wisdom

 

You cannot make a mistake…what do you think?

  • There are no “mistakes” only different varieties of ways to experience life and remember more of who we are.  We make choices based on our past, our belief systems, our values, and perhaps even the collective consciousness that’s engrained in our DNA.  We always choose what we believe is the best possible choice in any given situation.  Instead of directing our energy toward the past by beating ourselves up over “mistakes,” why not ask, “What is the lesson?  What can be learned from this experience?” – IPEC core principle

What are your thoughts about this idea/principle?  

When I first heard this principle I don’t think I fully understood it.  I still don’t think I completely understand it, but I am realizing more and more each day that there are really no mistakes…we simply choose what we feel is the best choice in any given moment.  A mistake is the judgment we put on the choice we make.

Releasing the judgment is a very freeing feeling.  Doing this allows me to focus on the lesson I can learn from my choices instead of beating myself up over the “mistake” I made

What would your life look like if you did the same? 

What do you do when you feel a lack of self worth?

I had the privilege of speaking to a group of over 50 women about this topic this week.

I was nervous and excited.  Excited because of the opportunity to discuss a topic that I get to work with people on each day and one that is in our face all the time.  Nervous because I only had 20 minutes.

How do you talk about such a sensitive topic in 20 minutes?  I didn’t just want this to be a motivational speech.  I wanted to give these women something tangible that they could use the next time they were faced with feelings of self doubt, lack of self worth, and other feelings that made them feel like they are not good enough, but was not sure I could get all of this across in 20 minutes.

Here are some of the highlights that I shared with them:

  • There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.                        -Steve Maraboli
  • There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love.  When we are afraid, we pull back from life.  When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.  We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.
    If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.  Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.  – John Lennon
  • I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me.  And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too.  And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose  – Margaret Cho

I also shared a 2 step process that can be used any time you find yourself being burdened down by the feelings of self doubt and lack of self worth.

Step 1 – Connect with your current belief
What is the thought?
When you think that, what emotions come up? What feelings do you have?
When you have this thought/emotion/feeling, what action do you take?

Step 2 – Create a new belief
What would you like your new thought to be?
Take this thought and imagine it’s true. What would it feel like? What emotions come up?
What action are you willing to take to make this new thought a reality?

This process allows you to connect with the thoughts and feelings that are creating the current limiting belief, which is a key step in moving forward.  It then allows you to create a new thought and connect with the new feelings and emotions that this thought will create.  Doing so allows you to focus on what you want instead of what your are being told you should be.

I ended my thoughts with this quote.  it is one of my favorites:

  • Hey you.  Yes, you. Stop being unhappy with yourself.  You are perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else.
    Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks.  Love them.  Without those things you wouldn’t be you, and why would you want to be anyone else?  Be confident with who you are.  Smile, it will draw people in.
    If anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself then stick your middle finger in the air and say screw it.  My happiness will not depend on others anymore.  I’m happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me ME.  And “me” is pretty amazing  – QuotesDump.com

In the end it went amazing.  I felt that I was able to motivate, inspire, AND give them a tool they could use the next time they felt these self defeating feelings.  What an amazing opportunity to share my thoughts with these women.

What do you do, when you are faced with thoughts and feelings of self doubt, and lack of self worth?